My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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