I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize