we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
