she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
