I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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