Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
