wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I did not marry a roomba.
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