Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
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I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You need a sexual gate keeper
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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