I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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