Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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