Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
