I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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