If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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