The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I want her autograph on my taint
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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