dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
