i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
