Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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