I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
this just has baby written all over it
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
