you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
