My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize