I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
