Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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