I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
