My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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