Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
FUCK WHALES
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
