Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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