I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
