Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
