Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
