he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
