Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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