A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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