I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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