Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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