I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
