woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
