Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
