She just used a chaser for red wine.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Randomize
