Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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