I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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