i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
