the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
