Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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