Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
