I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
