he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
