i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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