Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
