I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
