Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
