i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
