According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
