guys are not supposed to queef...right?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
