when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
