But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
