OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
