this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
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I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
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It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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