Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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